As you might have heard, your main man Santa is back on the market. Here are just a few of the many reasons I’m actually a total catch and anyone, whether they were already married to me or not, would be lucky to be with me.
1. I have the fullest beard of any man you’ll ever meet.
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It’s all the dairy. Makes beard long, strong, and white as snow. 🙂
2. And I’m actually really buff under all that velour.
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How do you think I carry a planet’s worth of toys around on my back?
3. One workday a year = lots of time to be active.
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With my 364 free days a year, I like to get out there and throw the football around, take long walks by the beach, and go on romantic hikes through the forest. You want to play hooky on a random Tuesday and take a day trip up the coast? I’m down.
4. I’ll never forget to give you presents.
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My mind is like a steel trap for schedules and dates. No anniversary is going uncelebrated with me.
5. And I always know exactly what you want. 😉
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Trust me, there’s no hint you can drop that I won’t pick up.
6. I’m great with animals.
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Pets? Sure, why not! I work with 12 moody reindeer. I can handle anything.
7. I love chocolate.
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And if I know women, all women looooove chocolate. Chocolate chocolate chocolate.
8. I might be centuries old, but I use my plentiful free time to stay current.
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Just catching up on a few blogs.
9. I can tell you which of your friends are actually your frenemies.
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I’m supposed to keep the naughty list top-secret, but let’s just say you should keep an eye on your old “pal” S-a-m.
10. If you’re looking for a “partner in crime” … you found him.
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Who else can say they’ve done a B&E on every house in the world?